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Hi, You’re probably on this site because you or your loved one is being bullied and you just don’t know what to do. I want to assure you that not knowing what to do is absolutely normal (none of us really knows what to do at first either. And, I want to applaud you for searching for different ways that you can handle this issue.

Though I want to share with you the things that you should do when you’re being bullied, I want to first tell you that I am not a licensed Psychologist, and that what I’m about to share with you is mainly based on experience.

My hope on this article is to help you not just to feel better but to show you how valuable and powerful you are. In this post, you’ll learn about what not to do when you’re being bullied, How your bully truly sees you verses how they see themselves.



Before I begin to tell you about what to do, I would like to first tell you what NOT to do when you’re being bullied. Here it is:

  1. 1. DO NOT KILL YOURSELF: Please don’t do it. You are valuable and precious, and your life matter. I know that right now things feel like they can never feel better but believe me, they will. They always do get better. The world needs you and you have a greater purpose than you think and you are NOT what your bully says you are. (Keep on reading this article and you’ll know a lot more about yourself and your bully, and that killing yourself would be a terrible choice and a waste of a great life)
  2. 2. DO NOT BELIEVE WHAT YOUR BULLIES SAY ABOUT YOU: Here’s why: they’re lying to you. And you may even say “ but it’s very obvious. Everyone can see it”. But let me tell you that they are NOT telling you how they really feel. So, if you want to know about how your bullies really feel then keep on reading!


Well here’s what you should do:


I’m not saying that you should be their friends. Please do NOT. Be as distant as you can be because it’s not healthy to you. What I mean by understanding and knowing your bully is that you should know what makes them bullies.

In my years of experience, I noticed that most bullies have some common things that they all share. And from these post, you’ll be able to know what they are and how your bully (ies) REALLY feel about you.

Here’s what you can be sure of:

  1. 1. It’s not about you: Yes, it’s never about you. If only you knew what was running into their head, you would not waste your time feeling bad about yourself when they bully you. But, you would feel sorry for them instead. Honey, they are so unhappy and miserable and sadly they are taking it on you rather than dealing with it the healthy way. So, if someone is bullying you, you need to pray for them because they are suffering and dying inside for reasons you and I may never know. And hurting you is the only they get to release the anger that they carry inside towards themselves and towards those who have hurt them. So, don’t get it twisted because it’s not about you.
  2. 2. Your bully is insecure: Believe it or not, your bully is so insecure and it doesn’t matter how they may look on the outside. Here’s the thing: in my years in cosmetology, I have come across some of the most good-looking people on the planet and all have had something negative to say about themselves. This, is because no one ever think that they are good enough. This is to tell you that even the people that you admire or envy may not even be happy with themselves. So, don’t let your bully discourage you. He/she is insecure and is taking it on you. Usually what an insecure bully does is that they would tell you that you’re ugly, fat, that you will never be loved by anyone, and that you’re not good enough nor smart enough. They say or do those things mainly because they are so afraid that if you figured out how great you were, you would either leave them for someone better, get a better education or live a better life than theirs. So my friend, now you know the truth.
  3. 3. Your bully is extremely Jealous: 99.999% of the time it’s jealousy. I don’t even know how to begin with this very popular topic. Here’s what your jealous bully would do. They will tell you that you’re not beautiful, that you’re fat, that you’re not smart etc. Trust me when I tell you that they DO NOT believe that themselves, but they say that to you because they feel better once they get hear the sound of their own voices. Here’s what really happen when they say those things: “when they hear themselves call you “ugly, fat, and blah, blah, blah,”, in their mind, they translate it into lies by pretending that the sound of their own voices were the sound of somebody else’s voice”. They do so because desire to see more people approve to their lies. And that’s why sometimes your jealous admirer/bully would usually get other people that are also just as insecure to turn against you. A jealous person would never be happy as long as you’re happy. They want to see you suffer because that makes them feel somehow superior. So please NEVER BELIEVE YOUR BULLIES and NEVER EVER, by any mean surround yourself with a jealous person because chances are that you may never come out of it alive. Be cautions!
  4. 4. Your bully feels threatened by you: This fall into the jealousy category. Your bully may look like they have it all, they may even appear to be more popular, more talented, or even smarter than you, but deep inside they know that they are not. If you cannot remember anything that I have told you today, there’s one thing that I want you to keep in mind: “YOUR BULLY (IES) REALLY DO BELIEVE IN YOU (even better than you believe in yourself)”. They are the first one to spot on your beauty, your wisdom, your intelligence, and many more of what you have before you can even notice them yourself and that is why they feel so threatened by. They bully you so that you would stop believing in yourself and quit. Those who feel threatened by you would also spread false rumors about you because they know that once people get to really know who you are, they will ALL love you and reject them.
  5. 5. Your bully is so broken inside: This fall into the first category, when I said that it’s not about you but them. Let me tell you a quick story: I used to know and hate a woman who was old enough to be my mom. And the reason why I hated her was because she would bully everyone including her own children and mostly behind their back (She even turned her children to bully one another behind each other’s back).

This woman, however, was not the most beautiful, but looked very trust worthy and was a great listener. What most people still don’t know about her is that she would use their secrets against them and behind their back, she would not only betray them but call them ugly, fat and dumb and would make fun of them and anyone else (including strangers). After years of watching her hurt so many people and after so many years of hating her, I began to realize somethings about her. I realized that she made fun of people who were clearly smarter and prettier than her (even when they were heavier or disabled) because she didn’t feel smart or pretty. Turns out, she was bullied a lot by her own parents when she was a child.

Also, I realized that she was very insecure that she would make people turn against each other so that she wouldn’t lose her place especially in a relationship. Her former friends would even testify that being her friend always felt like enslavement because she would not allow them to be approached by anyone else.

After connecting her behavior to her past, I, again, realized that all these years, I have hated someone who should have never been hated in the first place. Hating her almost felt like I was wrestling with pieces of a broken glass that now I believe that she was the first to bully others probably because she was afraid to be the first to be bullied.

How well do you really know your bully?

Last But not least,

This woman’s story is one of the things that inspired me to write this article and to tell you that before you decided to harm yourself, you need to get inside your bullies mind and know what exactly is bothering them. It is so sad to see now-a-day how many young people decide to end their lives because they fail to realize just how highly their bullies really think of them.

So, please don’t waste your energy crying about what they say to you or what they have done to you. See them as victims and be the bigger person and take power because you’re a threat. From now on, decide to see yourself the way they TRULY see you: Beautiful, loved, smart beyond measure.

Keep your head up and walk every day in your life as if you’re a celebrity because you are one in you bully’s sight.


Rachel Francoise


  • Dario

    Hi Rachel!

    It’s a good post. I think everyone was bullied somehow in their lives. I like the way you fully stand for a real victim here. It’s not always like that in a real life. Unfortunately , there is often some social applause behind bullies of different sort. Many time experienced this mechanism. I observed it, I was bullied and I bullied too. That;s why I know how important it is to support a victim of these kind of situations.
    It’s great that you explained how the bullies mind works and how bad about themselves they actually feel. How much effort they need to do to prove themselves they are worth something? Well I guess, the best option is to do exactly what you wrote about. Just don’t believe them! It’s really not true whatever they could say. We’re great already, there’s nothing to prove, just to keep a head up and smile and keep on doing what we believe in.

    • Rachel Francoise

      Absolutely. We have nothing to prove. SOme of our bullies really need to be prayed for because they are the real victims and are suffering deep inside and are the ones that are also constantly afraid and disappointed.

  • Marketa

    Hi there and thanks for the information
    My second daughter was bullied so badly in year six and it just broke my heart. I really wish I’d come across your website then. As a secondary school teacher, I will keep your post in mind for the students

    • Rachel Francoise

      oh my goodness. it breaks my heart to heart about your daughter being bullied. I can’t even image what you and her might have gone through. I hope and pray that your students could find strength in this post. I also hope that your daughter’s doing okay.

  • Natalie

    This is such a valuable post. I think most people experience bullying at at least one point in their lives. This can be in the form of a peer, or a boss, or someone you have to coexist with. You have great insight into why a bully does what they do, and I’m sure this will help a lot of people. I remember a few years ago, having an old boss who was a bully. He liked to intimidate (whether consciously or not I don’t know) and I was panicky a lot and would feel nauseated at having to go into work. When a person is in this situation, it can be very hard to see outside the loaded negative emotions they make you feel on a daily or weekly basis, and by doing that here, you are giving people some of their power back which is a really amazing thing.

    I think it’s amazing that you broach the darker consequences of bullying here and aren’t afraid to talk about it, as I really believe this will help a lot of people who are feeling alone. Great article, and if anyone I know is being bullied I will be sure to pass on your advice and wisdom 🙂

  • Stephen

    Hi Rachel. Unfortunately bullying is alive and well. It is talked about a lot more (which is good) so it is not going to go away. I recently went into partnership with a gentlemen who turned out to be a bully of the highest order. We are gentlemen over 50, so it was not pleasant to see a senior person ripping and tearing. He didn’t worry where he was our how loud he was. Needless to say the partnership was dissolved after 18 months. I agree with everything you have said. I never retaliated. I let him finish and then suggest we get on with what was needed. I never reacted. I only ever responded when the timing was right.
    It is never pleasant. It is never about you rather it is about the bully. Sometimes it is hard to be strong but it is necessary.
    Thank you for your generous input on a topic that does affect to many people, adults and children alike.
    Many thanks

    • Rachel Francoise

      Oh Stephen, I’m so sorry to hear that you also went through this. A lot of time when we hear about bullying we think mainly of children to children bully, but we fail to realize that adults suffer as well. I’m so happy for you for doing something at the right time. It takes a lot of courage and strength to step up and step out.

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