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HOW TO CELEBRATE MOTHER’S DAY WHEN YOUR MOM HAS PASSED AWAY?

 

I don’t know if you’re reading this blog for yourself or someone else, but either way, I want to give you or your love one my condolences. Losing a love one is never an easy thing to go through especially losing your mom who was your best friend.

I lost my mom just two months after I turned 18, and that changed my world. It felt almost as if a part of me died with her and that the sun suddenly stopped shining on me. I wished every day that I would wake up from this terrible nightmare just so that she could still be alive.

To me, mother’s day was the hardest time of the year. I believe that it was harder to celebrate it than celebrating her birthday because, on mother’s day, I watched others buy gifts for their moms while I couldn’t.

I believe that you or your love one is probably facing the same situation as I did and wish that you could wake up a day after mother’s day just so that you wouldn’t have to feel alone. I wrote this article especially for you because I understand how difficult this day might be for you. And I really hope that you can find something interest that will help you during that day.

PS: “I truly applaud you for reading this article that will show you ways to honor your mom on mother’s day even after she’s gone because it’s really not easy. Please, keep in mind that these tips might not work for everyone. But, also know that you are so welcome to keep reading just in case there’s something that interests you”.

 

SO, HOW DO YOU CELEBRATE MOTHER’S DAY WITHOUT HER?

 

VISIT HER GRAVE

Some people find peace when visiting their mom’s grave during mother’s day. Visiting the grave can somehow make one feel closer to their mom. I believe it’s because, though her spirit is gone, her body is still there in the grave.

 

BRING FLOWERS AND DECORATIONS TO HER GRAVE

Bringing flowers and decorating or cleaning her grave can also be a great way to honor your mom. This allows you to still do something nice for her. It also gives you an opportunity to still buy her meaningful gifts like others do. So, you don’t have to stop mother’s day shopping for her just because she’s deceased.

(Bringing flowers to my first born grave felt like I was given another chance to still provide and care for her even after she was gone.)

 

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CRY

Please allow yourself to cry. Losing a love one especially your mom or a parent is hard. Besides the fact that losing them can feel like losing your best friend, losing a parent can also mean losing protection. The world is wicked. There are people who are only there to take advantage of others when they’re at their lowest. And when your parents are gone, they would do to you whatever they want, knowing that no one would stop them from using you or taking advantage of you.

(sadly for those manipulators, they forget that the defender of orphans (Jesus-Christ) is always watching and that no one wants to be on His naughty list when He acts. Exodus 22:22-23. ).

This tells you that besides the fact that you have lost your parents, living as an orphan has a lot of hardship. So, cry. You’ve been through things that most people never have gone through a day in their lives. And no one deserves to go through what you’ve been through.

Ps: Don’t remain in that situation for too long but don’t be tough either. Always give yourself a chance to let it out.

 

AVOID BEING ALONE AT HOME

Isolating yourself especially at home can trigger more depression. I read an article from CNN.com written by Amanda Gardner, Health.com, stating that it’s been known that most elderly are prone to depression due to isolation. That’s why the best way to avoid feeling depressed the entire day is to either have a friend over, go out, or do both.

On that day, please do your very best to avoid being alone at home. But, If you are in a position where you don’t have friends or can’t go out due to any reasons, find an indoor activity that you really enjoy such as: watching your favorite movies, writing, drawing, sewing, reading. And in case you’re at hospital, you can always ask your nurse to take you out for a walk or to the park. Just do something that you always liked doing just to get your mind off. You need to remember that the best way to honor your mom is to live happily. Your mom would never want to see you sad or depressed. I’m saying this as a mom, no one ever wants to see their children sad or in pain.

 

ORGANIZE A VIGIL

Most people like to light candles but, there are others who would take vigils to a whole new level. For example: a year after my mom passed away, her church organized a small party in honor of her. They invited her close friends, family and colleagues to talk about memories that they have of her and how she changed their lives.

That was just an example. You don’t have to organize a small party. You can host a barbecue or dinner with a few of your mom’s close friends and family members. You can also bring out old photos and videos of your mom just to bring a little humor to what you’ll be hosting. This would be great especially if the people that you invite have known your mom for a very long time.

Always remember that you can make this an emotional or/and a funny event. This is totally up to you.

 

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VISIT YOUR MOM’S CLOSEST FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER

Visiting a close friend of your mom can also make you feel closer to her. You can chose to either talk about your her or not. The decision is totally up to you. you can also bring  gifts to your mom’s friend especially if you too were close to her.

Remember that you’re not limited to visiting your mom’s closet (human)  friend. You could also visit your mom’s parents, her church, or anyone who would make you feel closer to her.

 

If your mom lived and was buried in a different city or country than you, there are ways that you can still honor her on mother’s day. (This was my case)

  • Call or video chat with her favorite friend or family member
  • Do some volunteer work
  • Bring flowers to graves that haven’t been visited in a while
  • Do things that makes you happy
  • Visit your family members or friends
  • Avoid Isolation

 

FINALLY,

Losing a mom is the hardest thing that can happen to anyone regardless of their age. And I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. I really hope that you were able to find this blog to be helpful. Please, always remember that you’re not alone and that you are loved. I pray that God can strengthen you and help you heal. Also, know that you are precious and your life has a purpose.

I want to keep in touch with you. So, please comment below and/or subscribe. I would like to get to know you and to hear your story. And, if you have decided to follow one or more of my tips, please tell me on the comment below how it went.

Until next time,

Have a great day!

Rachel Francoise

 

8 Comments

  • Kelyee

    Hi Rachel, thank you for the wonderful blog for the ones that needed to see this. I guess I am lucky my mother is still alive.

    When I lost my grandmother it didn’t hit me until her burial day. I balled like there’s no tomorrow.

    When I miss her I go through old photos of her and reminisc about when she told us, folklore story as a bedtime story.

    Kelyee

    • Rachel Francoise

      HI Kelyee, I’m so glad to hear that your mom is still alive. This is such a blessing. I’m really sorry about your grandma. I’m just like you, I usually cry my hardest at the burial because I finally realize that someone is actually gone. I’m so happy to hear that you find peace while going through old photos of her.
      You should try and organize a small family reunion. That way you all can share lovely memories of her

  • Jen

    This is a great post. It’s true that it’s hard to celebrate mothers day when your mom is gone, I lost my mom almost 14 years ago and it never gets easy. There are times that life is hard and instead of a friend you wish you had you mom to talk to and get advice. I like your suggestions and with mothers day right around the corner this is a good post to read. Thanks for the ideas. I never thought to visit one of her closest friends, I’m not the only one who lost her so sitting with someone and remembering how great a person she was could help me feel better. Thanks so much for sharing.

    • Rachel Francoise

      Thank you so much Jen and I’m so sorry about your mom. I can feel that it’s still very hard on you even after 14 years, and you’re right, it never gets easy. I’m like you, there are times when I just want to talk to her because I know that she’ll be the only one who would understand me.
      I really hope that you could find peace once you visit your mom’s close friend or family. Stay blessed

  • Genesis

    Hi Rachel. I enjoyed your thoughtful article here. I still have my mother and this is a sweet reminder about how precious time really is. This can be a wake up call for those who still have their mothers and not take it for granted. To enjoy everyday here on out. I am sorry for your loss and can feel how you are passionate about uplifting others who experienced the same. I hope this will touch many who are still hurting. Thank you for taking the time to share!

    • Rachel Francoise

      I really appreciate it Genesis. I hope that I can reach as many people as I possibly can. Sometimes we need to know that we’re not alone in a situation. I hoped that many could find comfort and hope in this site. Thank you again

  • Kerry

    Thank you very much for these recommendations. I have lost some special people in my life and its a pleasure to visit family/friends and retelling stories about them. We laugh, cry and feel closer to them in a way.

    My mom is the middle child of three girls. Her oldest sister has passed, but i absolutely love hearing stories about my aunties and her growing up. Things were quite a bit different back then. You can get quite a bit of family history that way too. Thank you so much for the beautiful words.

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