When you’re a plus-size person, it doesn’t matter whether you are male or female, you find yourself believing and doing the things that you shouldn’t do or believe. Today I’m going to talk about 8 common mistakes that most of us, plus-size women sometimes make without realizing.
Without further a due, let get to it.
BELIEVING THAT BEING PLUS ISN’T BEAUTIFUL
This is the toughest one to ask a plus-size woman to believe, especially now-a-way where Hollywood description of beauty is defined by how skinny a woman is. What we fail to remember is that the figure of those skinny women showed in Hollywood are very unrealistic. No one looks like that. We also forget that in order to keep their figures the way they are, these poor women have to be on crazy diets and/or starve themselves just to keep their jobs. They may make more money but sadly, they aren’t free to live their lives or even enjoy it. So this tells you that Hollywood idea of beauty does not exist because no one is ever accepted for their natural beauties. Even the most beautiful and most skinny woman there, is asked to have plastic surgeries and/or lose weight. To them, no one is good enough.
So now tell me, why bother striving for Hollywood’s standard of beauty that is impossible to achieve?
If you do not believe that a plus-size woman can be beautiful or a model, just take a look at people celebrities like Ashley Graham, Queen Latifah, Adel and Melissa McCarthy. Would treat them as ugly? Of course not. This means that the extra body mass you have does not make you an ugly person. It makes you unique and there’s nothing wrong with being unique.
LETTING YOURSELF GO
So, you’ve gained a few pounds over the years, so what? Keep living! Wear what you would normally wear if you were still skinny. Stop hurting yourself by letting yourself go. Curl your hair, put some make-up on and wear stylish and fashionable outfit. Don’t stop living. Be a role model to that girl in school or your little girl who feels ugly because of her body and her peers bullying. Would you want her to look down on herself or would you rather see her have confidence in herself?
You are beautiful, so own it!
WEARING BAGGY OUTFITS
You’re modest, I get it. You don’t want to show too much skin or wear tight clothes. I truly respect that. In fact, I don’t like it when people wear clothes that are way too small for their bodies. Believe me, It’s not flattering. I also know about how hard it is to find plus-size clothing that are stylish. But that doesn’t mean that you have to wear baggy outfits. Wear something nicer that is both stylish and elegant. Don’t make your boyfriends/husband shirt and some yoga pants be the only thing you wear, please!
Buying new clothes can be expensive and plus-size women’s clothing especially, are really hard to find in local stores. You, like most people should remember that there are plenty of online stores that can sell you plus-size clothing at almost any price. You just need to find the right one that sells quality clothing.
If you want to upgrade your closet but are too afraid to do so because you think that It’ll be too expensive, then I encourage you to click HERE to see an article on how you can upgrade or rebuild your closet for less.
NOT WEARING HIGH HEELS SHOES
I’ve seen most plus-size women throw away their high heels shoes. I used to be one. In fact, I still am especially since I started having children. But That’s a mistake I think that most women should avoid making. Wearing heels may be extremely uncomfortable, but it gives so much to the body and the outfit you wear. Heels can make a simple and casual outfit look more stylish and expensive, while on the other hand, not wearing high heels can make a formal and very expensive clothes look less than what it’s worth.
FYI, wearing high heels can very much improve your posture and confidence.
KEEPING NEGATIVE PEOPLE AROUND
What’s worse than having a negative friend or family member while you’re trying to make yourself gain confidence. My advice on this topic is to avoid hanging out with them unless they decide to respect you and change their ways. I’m not saying that you should cut them off completely but distance yourself enough to where you can no longer be controlled or hurt by their mockeries or opinions.
It doesn’t matter what excuses they give you for being so mean and negative. A friend or a family member who calls you ugly or fat isn’t worth your time or your friendship. While they’re being guided by their jealousy, they are stopping you from gaining the confidence and love you should have for yourself, only because they don’t have it and are threatened by your beauty and capacity. Making you feel bad, look bad and belittle yourself might be the only way they feel accomplished, important, funny or pretty.
So, do you want to be free to love yourself, be confident and go far in life? Then love yourself enough to give them some distance.
SETTLING FOR LESS
The other mistake that I’ve seen most plus-size women make is settling for less, especially on relationships.
My advice to you is to shoot for the moon and never settle for less because you were made for something better. Raise your expectations and don’t stop until you get there.
I know that there are pressures out there. It’s either your peers who tell you that you should lose weight or Hollywood who tells you to have an unrealistic body to be called beautiful, or strangers who would consider you to be on a low income status just because of your weight.
I’m here to encourage you to not give-up on yourself. Don’t lock yourself in because of what anyone else thinks. You have a life, you are precious and you have a lot to offer to this world. I encourage to go out more, buy yourself something new, learn a new skill, go to a dance, find something that you’re good at and do it, or travel if you can. But never ever give up in life because the world would miss what you’ll have to offer.
LOOSING WEIGHT FOR SOMEONE ELSE
Never lose weight to gain acceptance. Losing weight for someone else can be tempting especially when you’re doing it for a job or someone that you love. Remember, you don’t have to change for anyone because losing weight is so hard that it needs to be your own decision. So, don’t go through all the hardship for someone who doesn’t deserve it. You want to lose weight? Then, go ahead. But if you want to stay the way that you are then be it.
The only time you should lose weight for someone is when:
- Your doctor asks you to: The doctor would ask you to lose weight to improve your health and not to bully you
- Your love one ask you to: This could be your spouse, your boyfriend, your friend or family member who cares for you. Usually when someone you know loves you, asks you to lose weight it’s because they love you and want you to be healthier. The way they’ll ask you to do it will show you their intentions.
Someone who tells you that you should lose weight because it will benefit you and your health is worth listening to than a person who tells you to lose weight because they think that you’ll be prettier.
It is sad that in our world today beautiful plus-size women believe that they’re less than they truly are because of the influence of our culture. In Africa where I’m from, plus-size women are almost worshiped by men, especially rich men. There, a full figure woman is considered a symbol of wealth.
In spite of the fact that plus-size women are almost worshiped where I’m from, I still had family members bully me after I gained weight. They told me that I was too fat to fit on my wedding when I went wedding dress shopping and they also said that I would have looked a lot prettier if I had lost the weight”. I used to feel bad about the things that they said, but it wasn’t until I realized two things:
First: I placed our pictures together one day to prove myself that I was ugly like they said. But by looking at all those pictures through my eyes and not their opinions, I realized that I was actually the prettiest of all of them (not bragging).
Second: I compared my life to theirs, and I realized that even the smallest things that I had was their dreams.
Because I was true to myself, this helped me to stop hating myself because their mockeries and opinions. I saw that being skinny obviously didn’t bring them happiness and didn’t make them feel any prettier. I bet that they would have not cared about my weight gain if they were even just a little satisfied with themselves.
This tells you that beauty and happiness is just a state of mind and It’s not your body. So don’t beat yourself up. Make yourself happy and allow yourself to love and embrace your body the way it is. Who cares about what anyone else thinks?
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Until next time, be happy!